I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
