I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
