Do you still have your period?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
