Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My life is pants optional.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
