You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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