i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
