listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
