I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
