i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
