The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize