What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm getting married
To pizza
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
