My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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