I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Semen is not good for contacts.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
