I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
