he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hippo gnu deer
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
