So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
