honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
