I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
