He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
