This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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