I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
do herpes really smell.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
They have beer where we have blood.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
