I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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