Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
