I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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