if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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