You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
