I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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