I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wish my penis had a tongue
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
