Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
cat food counts as protein by the way
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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