so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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