is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
