i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
