I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
