i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i think i have herpe
just one?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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