party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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