a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
