thus making me awesome and them whores
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
