She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
