I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
