He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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