i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
