Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
