im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize