But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish I could teleport
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
