You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
