too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
