I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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