If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
