Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
