The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You can't special order awesome
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So many bounce houses so little time
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
