We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
