I'm lost and stupid without you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
