I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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