I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
