By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
