fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
