My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My Sexting was not on an AP level
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
