Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
