I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
