Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
its liver damage thursday
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