the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
