His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
